How Pawpaw’s Day Began

Day Six Thousand and Sixty

There was one particular day where it was decided to be a lot like one of the six thousand and fifty-nine others before it.

For this one was six thousand and sixty!

So Pain got up and rejoiced. Even though it was around four in the morning, he stood up and roared tall.

He ambushed dear Pawpaw and gave him all he had.

But Pawpaw cried out, “I’m in love! Such a beautiful day! Oh, my dear Lord Jesus, how may I serve You this very day?”

Pain laughed. “Has that cry ever helped you? Ever saved you from me?”

Now Sneek was right outside, spying — or rather, sleeping like he wasn’t supposed to be. And when he heard the same commotion coming from Pawpaw’s house, he decided to cover his ears and roll over.

But then Pawpaw screamed out, “Hallelujah! Praise the Lord! Father, I adore You! This is Your life, and not my own!”

And don’t you know how upsetting that is to a stinky, nasty little devil trying his very darnedest to be bad—to hear such things almost every day?

He huffed and he puffed and he bluffed, telling himself, “Oh! This is MY life, and I hates everyone and everything! Especially Pawpaws—and their little angels—”

He paused for a moment to make sure no one was around, then continued, “Why must I be exposed to such horrible praisings?”

And from inside, he heard Pawpaw praise, “Dear Jesus, hold me!”

So Sneek sat up and shook his disagreeable head. He stood and stretched to the sound of Pawpaw’s praises, then snapped,
“Oh, I hates this!”

Remembering what had happened the last time he dared not do his diligence—namely, that he got such a spanking and not a thanking—the little devil stomped off to report to the Lil’ Debils, specifically to Grumbles, their leader.

But on his way, Sneek passed Snip and Snide, and he simply couldn’t help himself. He had to pick a fight.

Before long, the three were busy fussing and fighting and gnawing on one another when Gripes came roaring out,

“What’s the meaning of this ramble? You’ve interrupted my repugnant, indecent, and most inappropriate reveling, scheming, and givings of wretched dreamings to our ‘dear’ congregations in this our city here?”

In fear and such fright, Sneek told him of Pawpaw and his wrestlings with Pain, much to his delight.

Gripes laughed and rumbled, “Awake, you little devils! This night, Pawpaw is ours to take!”

Now their leader Grumbles was still asleep, and to him they said not a peep.

So Gripes and the Lil’ Debils gang marched off most horrifying, with much sighing, and hoping Pawpaw was dying.

Each one was boasting and touting that they would be the one to finish Pawpaw off — once and for all, and maybe even twice.

Now Grumbles was always irritable, but what made him even grumpier were his little devils making no noises. There was no fussing, no fighting, no whining, and no biting.

And don't you know that no preposterous, outrageous bad commotions are the very best way to mess up his day?

So he sat up and saw that where they should have been was where they were not. So up he got in a huff and decided not to be where they weren't.

As they approached our dear Pawpaw, the giant Grumbles presented himself with stomps and ruckus.
“Whoa-ho! What how do you do?”

Just for spite, he picked up Snip and Snide and sent them on a flight. And being cranky, he catapulted them precisely thousand six hundred and twenty-five miles due west.

Snide decried, “I hates flying through the air!”
Snip screeched, “I’ll be back!” 🕶️

Snip landed first and moaned, “Oh, my backside!”

He brushed himself off, but before he could indeed head back, Snide came floundering from the sky and hit him — intentionally with all intensity.

In a dizzy daze, Snide accused, “Why’d you have to be in my way?”

Snip snapped, “I was here first!”

And then Snip and Snide did bite,
causing the blights to fight,
which is outright not quite right.

In the meantime, Pawpaw was continuing his praisings. So Grumbles began his speech with, “I’m the leader of this here gang and I say what to do and when to do and howdy doo —”

But he heard Pawpaw cry out, “Glory, honor, power and strength to the Lord!”
Psalm 28:7

Well, that was enough — and too much! So Grumbles bemoaned, “Come on, gang! Let’s get him!”

When Pawpaw saw darkness rushing in like a flood, he yelled, “The battle belongs to the Lord!”

And don’t you just know what?

If you are thinking the cavalry of heavenly hosts, or the special Psalm 91 Division of heavenly warriors, or perhaps a group of really ticked-off saints from glory coming to the rescue, you’d be wrong.

Because it was, in fact, the cutesy Heaven's Halos — Heaven’s all-too-girly-girl troop of love and warmth.

Now, I don’t want to say, “Oh no! Oh my!” but it would seem the fellow needed a bit more… well, a bit more…

Well for crying out loud and for Pete’s sake, they are basically a bunch of holy kindergartners!

Blessie, their leader, stepped forward. She said only,
“Girls.”

And Brightney, Glowie, and Twinklebit knew just what to do.

They shone like the light of the sun, causing Pain to fear his own shadow and exit the room in a blink.

Blessie said to the Lil’ Debils,
“We must insist that you cease and desist! Leave this room now and do not resist!”

Grumbles looked down upon the little cutie with a sniff and a snort.
“It seems the heavens these little gals does resort!”

Both Gripes and Grumbles, those big louts, lashed out at our dear Blessie without any doubts. But being so quick and nimble, the sweet little angel evaded their every blow.

In case there are any wimps — pardon me, I meant to say "those with more delicate constitutions" — you might want to look away...
Those little Halos gave it to the baddies but GOOD!

Wondera, the Halos worker of tiny wonders, bipped Gripes right on his snout with a shout,
“By merciful heavens, may blessings ring out!”

Gripes held his nose and began blessing the Lil’ Debils:
“Sneer, may you bring joy this year!
Snark, may your life be like a lark!
Sneek, may your warmth never be bleak…!”

Oh, you should have seen those little devils flop about! For they simply can’t take blessings ringing out!

At the same time, the caring little Halos, Sharey and Thankie, gave Grumbles a flanking that was worse than a spanking, for they whacked him but good with the benediction on behalf of Pawpaw:
“The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me!”

Grumbles held his stomach as if he had eaten something just awful and probably not lawful.

“Oh, you little pests!” said Grumbles, his next words redacted, as a matter of facted!

Now those little devils tried their best to coalesce, but coalescing was not their forte. Their specialty was closer to incoherent discombobulation, which was particularly evident that day.

They lashed out at the little blessings with everything they could tout: vicious maliciousness and misgivings, nastiness and frowardness, preposterousnesses and malevolencenesses!

And those little devils, those petulant menaces, those awful dolefuls, being dark red by nature, turned white as sheets and as etheric as ghosts. Complaining and protesting, they tried to keep from fainting.

They couldn’t even stand and started crawling with intolerance, clinging desperately to their illiberality.

“Oh the despair! Oh the mournful despondence!” shouted Snark.

“Where’s the exit?” squeaked that Sneek.

Grumbles groaned, “My ears! My ears! My kingdom for esoteric earmuffs!”

And just at that moment, who would just so happen to finally make their way back?

Why, it was none other than Snide and Snip!

They came waltzing into the room like two little not-welcomes, like two proud skunks in a pricey department store dressing room.

Snip was on Snide’s back, trying to determine the best place to bite him, as if being choicy. But Snide was looking at all the Lil’ Debils moaning and dragging themselves about.

“I don’t think this is a good time — OUCH!” stated Snide, much to his surprise, for it was the annoying little devil Pesky who appeared from nowhere just to bite his ankle!

Snickering, Snip bit Snide’s ear.

“What are you two doing? Let’s get out of here!”

And off limped Snide, as if being attacked by a swarm of mosquitoes. And why? Who knows?

Pesky and Snip, the little tikes, chomped down with all their might and enjoyed the free flight.

Pesky rang out, “Weeeeee!” as he lost his grip and flew away, ending his free road trip that day.

But Snip clamped down tight and enjoyed the sights.

Two powerful angels of note watched from above.

The second mysterious angel said to the first, “Think we should step in?”

The first mysterious angel pronounced, “It’s alright. Reinforcements are en route.”

Pawpaw could not believe his eyes, it being around 6 a.m., for it all felt like a dream. Just as he was ready to rebuke the little nightmares, guess who appeared?

Flashes of light, tiny thunders — the room did shake! For pop, pop, pop, there stood his little angels: Gracie and Luna and Rosie, donned in their Armors of Righteousness, holding their Shields of Faith in one hand and their Swords of the Lord in the other!

Gracie appeared with a, “For by grace are ye saved through faith.”

Luna materialized with a, “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”

Rosie presented with a, “Above all these things put on charities, which is the bond of perfectednesses.”

She’s working on it.

The Heaven's Halos did cheer! “Pawpaw’s Little Angels are here!”

Gracie Sonshined with Grace through Faith, Luna moon-beamed with Hope and the enlightenment of Truth, and Rosie… well, she smiled and glowed with genuine warmth, love, comfort, and peace.

The little devils wailed and rolled about like a Pentecostal revival! They flopped and floundered until Grumbles initiated Escape Protocol: GETSOUTTAHERE, launching them at the churches — projectiles of villainy, missiles of discontented devilry, and, in these modern days, a nice safe haven for the little monsters.

And those worthless cretins and dolts, each one landed right straight smack into the Sunday Schools, where they ironically seemed, after they revived, to fit right in with minimal disguise.

In fact, Snark, seeing no teacher about, acted as substitute that day.

Snark mistaught them without rebuke:

“You are all little gods!”

“If it feels right, then it is right.”

“Just keep naming it and claiming it, and it’s yours…”

He rewrote the Bible — the SATN Revised Version (Snark's Alternative Translation and Nonsense) — faked another gospel, and no one batted an eye.

He left that day with great acclamation and his pockets full.

“I’m coming back next week,” his unholiness grinned menacingly.

Wouldn’t surprise me if another “church” has found its new “prophet.”

Now it just so happened that, being late arrivals, Snide and Snip were left behind… with Grumbles.

Gracie said, “Okay, Grumbles, you giant, are you going peacefully? Or are we going to have to get tough?”

The Heaven’s Halos with Pawpaw’s Little Angels seemed a bit too much.

Desperate, Grumbles looked around and saw the lurking, pernicious duo. They had no time to flee, as Grumbles reached down, grabbed them by the heels, and threw them at poor little Gracie.

But Luna and Rosie were too quick.

Luna blasted Snide away with…

“Ephesians 1:18: The eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that you may know what is the hope of his calling…”

WHACK!

And Rosie beaned Snip away with…

“1 John 4:18: There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear…”

WHAM!

So Snide was knocked to the suburbs of Timbuktu, and that little snipper, Snip, was too.

With no more “ammunition,” that great big giant Grumbles stepped back away from the tenacious trio.

But Pawpaw tossed a pillow at him, and with a loud POOF! Grumbles disappeared into a cloud of transient smoke.

Pawpaw’s Little Angels stared at Pawpaw in disbelief.

Pawpaw smiled and said, “I always keep a Holy Bible in my pillow.”

Heaven’s Halos and Pawpaw’s three little angels laughed and laughed at the thought of Grumbles being bipped with the Word of the Lord.

Somewhere in the ethers Grumbles grumbled, “I’ll get them, and their pawpaw two!”

But as he turned to flee, there stood the two angels of mystery. Needless to say, Grumbles was in a lot of trouble and doubled.

Of course, Pain came tiptoeing surreptitiously back. Why, that lousy, awful, no-good…! Please pray for poor Pawpaw.

And while you're at it, it couldn't hurt to pray for those pains in your life, too.
Romans 12:14 them but good.

So that’s how Pawpaw’s day began.

Rosie and Her Bubble Wand of Love